Scott Finks and David Lockard have represented our club in planning and preparing for the C.A.Roy & Floyd Walker Memorial Golf Tournament, which begins around noon Friday. Scott and David have done a fine job, and the tournament will be a huge fundraiser for our club and for the Midday club.
Check with Scott or David if you want to help with the tournament activities. While you're at it, thank them for a job well done.
Magazine Month will soon be over, and although we focus on Rotary's publications for a single month, The Rotarian arrives every month and delivers Rotary information, entertainment, thought-provoking columns, and more. The May issue appeared in my mailbox last week, and I already have devoured it.
Just for fun, search the May issue for answers to these questions:
1. What famous novelist appears in one of the issue's "This Close" ads? (Hint: She is the only woman in one of these ads in the May issue.)
2. In what year did Theodore de Bry create the engraving used on the magazine cover?
3. What likely was the first item ever dispensed from a vending machine?
4. Whose portrait commemorates Immunization Day (May 14)?
5. When and where is the 2014 World Water Summit?
6. Where in the world is Salt Island?
I hope you enjoy The Rotarian as much as I do. In addition to keeping me informed about Rotary's activities, the magazine's articles make me think, they sometimes make me laugh or cry, but they always leave me feeling proud to be a Rotarian. Rotary service takes many forms, and The Rotarian showcases that service. In the process, it makes me want to be a better servant.
Rotarians for Kinky???
As a rule, politics and Rotary don't mix. Rotary service is not modulated by our political leanings, and citizens of every political stripe hold memberships in Rotary clubs around the world. Because of that, this newsletter almost never addresses political issues.
However, I felt compelled this week to comment, at least, when Dr. Bruce Anderson forwarded a photo in which he and his lovely spouse posed with a well-known Texas politician and with Jesus. I might have avoided the commentary (politicians are so easy to ignore), but with Jesus in the photo, I just could not let it slide.
Kinky Friedman is running for Texas Agriculture Commissioner. As he explains on his campaign web site, Kinky wants to end the prohibition on the medical and personal use of marijuana in Texas. Further, Kinky intends to restore hemp as a top cash crop in Texas, much as it was until its prohibition almost a century ago. He intends to clearly show that legalizing pot is a states' rights issue, as well as a rural development issue, an education funding issue, a water conservation issue, a health care issue, and a criminal justice issue.
With Jesus and the Andersons in his corner, Kinky may finally find political success. Thanks, Bruce, for the photo and for being a good sport. (I hope.)
Surely you jest
Anyone headed Down Under for the upcoming RI convention?
These questions/answers were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery in to Australia ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Timmy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Timmy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Timmy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Timmy said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Kathleen said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
However, I felt compelled this week to comment, at least, when Dr. Bruce Anderson forwarded a photo in which he and his lovely spouse posed with a well-known Texas politician and with Jesus. I might have avoided the commentary (politicians are so easy to ignore), but with Jesus in the photo, I just could not let it slide.
